Audrey Taflan & the Search for…..

Posted On September 29, 2011

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Tonight  it occurred to me that I might not be ‘Audrey Taflan’.  Perhaps my ‘name’ is a rouse that the real me thought up in a moment of need to hide my true identity. I realized tonight that I *must* be Indiana Jones (course they named the dog Indiana….but, I digress)!

Indiana Jones is always searching for something: The Holy Grail, Sankara Stones, Ark of the Covenant, even crystallized alien heads and I too do a great search every day.

I search for the one thing EVERY SAHM wants…a SHOWER.

I go to bed each night thinking ‘tomorrow will be the day I get up before the kids…’ and everyday my feet hit the floor after hearing something breaking/crashing/crying in the next room. From that moment on my body is in ‘go-mode’.

An average day:

Showers (kids) ~ nurse baby ~ dressed (every one) ~ change baby’s diaper ~ breakfast ~ wipe smeared jelly off the dog (how did that get there?) ~ brush teeth ~ clean up toothpaste 2 year old squirted on bathroom floor ~room check ~ pick up sippy cups from under beds ~ laundry put away ~ change baby’s diaper ~ school ~ chase 2 year old around to get marker out of his clutches ~ nurse baby ~ determine whose turn it is to get mail, break one of my children’s hearts for it not being their turn ~ clean up breakfast mess ~ feed dogs ~ lunch ~ find 2 year old naked outside ~ gather clothes from yard and yes, clean up the poop he made on the patio ~ more laundry ~ kill spider ~ afternoon school ~ argue with 7 year old about why she can’t play with dinosaurs as her ‘math’ ~ pick up dinosaurs 4 year old left after having his feelings hurt because he’s doing  ‘baby’ math ~ chase 4 year old to reassure him he’s a big guy (look longingly at shower on the way down hall) ~ fold laundry ~ nurse baby ~ change diaper ~ strap baby to chest and continue with school ~ mummify an apple for Science project ~ send kids to play at table with playdoh ~ lay baby down ~ attempt to put dinner on the stove ~ start priming end tables for bed room ~ find table with play-doh mess and no kids in sight ~ find kids watching Spongebob and ‘rewinding’ DVR to Plankton yelling ‘Peek-a-Boo! Here comes my foot!’ and laughing like hyenas ~ shoo them back to the table to clean up the mess ~ give up and clean up mess myself ~ haul out the vacuum cleaner AND carpet cleaner to shampoo Play-doh out of fibers and vow that Play-doh will NEVER again be bought ~ return carpet shampooer to garage to find 2 year old in the back paint you were using to paint the end tables and 4 and 7 year old DANCING on top of Daddy’s ping-pong table ~ smile because they are singing a song from church ~ threaten to take away their biking privileges and  a ticket if they don’t get off ~ get mineral spirits to clean up paint ~ re-start dinner while kids (yes) watch Spongebob (don’t judge!) ~ go to bathroom to find that baby has spit up all over your shirt and you both smell funny ~ give baby a bath ~ 2 year old and 4 year old join into bath ~ 7 year old wants to wash the dog ~ get boys out, dog in ~ trip over ARMY men in kids room and make note that someone has brought CoCo Krispies up to their room and (it looks like) they tossed them into the air like confetti (make note to bring up sweeper) ~ send boys outside to rake up leaves ~ 7 year old is on her bike ~ baby in sleeper ~ run sweeper in living room before Nick comes home ~ dinner on table ~ leave dinner on table to walk to the YMCA ~ run around the house in search of YMCA tags ~ no luck ~ cry a little ~ get shoes on ~ fight with 4 year old about WHY he will be going into Childwatch and assure him that he’ll have fun ~ workout, sweat, pant and vow to never drink another Pepsi ~ walk home ~ drink Pepsi ~ take dogs out ~ clean up dinner ~ change baby ~ nurse baby ~ nurse baby ~ nurse baby ~ attempt to lay baby down ~ nurse baby ~ watch Nick curl up on the couch and put the 4 year old and 2 year old to sleep ~ hand him baby ~ baby is asleep within minute ~ give him a dirty look and fold MORE laundry ~ beg 7 year old to PLEASE go to bed ~ dishes ~ one more coat of paint on the end tables ~ a round of ping-pong with Nick ~ hear baby wake up ~ declare that I’m going to take a shower ~ pick up the trail of laundry coming from each child’s room ~ put laundry away, trip over MORE  army men ~ realize that you never ran the sweeper to get the cereal up and now the kids are asleep ~ bend over and pick up cereal by hand ~ FINALLY start shower ~ find MORE army men in the tub (WHERE THE HECK ARE THEY COMING FROM!??!~Clean up army men ~ wipe out tub (why are Army men so dirty?!) and finally… quest is over.

14 hours later, and I, Indiana (Audrey Taflan) Jones has finally found what I was searching for all day!! A shower!!!

It’s now 11:41pm, with any luck TOMORROW I will get up before the kids and get my shower in before it all starts again!

🙂 Love my life!


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